When I found this picture on a social networking site it took me down the memory lane .I could not really stop writing about it  in my next blog before anything else . I saved the picture and a few minutes later I got the same image as a whatsapp message from my husband asking "Why not this be the next blog ?" . We could relate to the pic so much . 

I never thought babies are miracle when we got married .  When I did not conceive the first couple of years I was really not worried about it . Being in the initial stages of career and marriage I was struggling to balance both . We never thought we were missing anything in life until we visited hometown for a wedding or for a long weekend. Everyone we met had the same question to ask , " Good news ? "  .

As years passed the questions I face started getting wierd " Did you never conceive before or is  it that you had a miscarriage? " The most wierd and hurting line which was said as a joke was " Are you guys doing it right " .I still remember how i walked out of the crowd smiling at the 'supposed to be joke' and closed myself behind the doors to cry my eyes to sore.

Years flew and every question and comment started to hurt more and more with each passing day . When we completed 2 years of marriage we started visiting an infertility specialist . It followed with years of tests and screenings . I can still smell and taste those metformin tablets which I had for years . I could see the crowd outside the doctor's cabin were increasing everyday and monthly scanning started becoming a nightmare . It was disgusting to remember how we had to stand in a line waiting for our turn removing the bottom wear as the doctor did not have time to waste ( This was in a super speciality hospital) . I felt that was the meanest thing you can do to a woman . The anxiety and stress started to build with all this .

Then the rest of the days all we did were spending huge money on tests , medicines , injections , hoping every month for a good news and finally cry for 2 to 3 days when you know none of it has worked and get back to doctor again . I dreaded attending family functions as many looked at us with sympathy and acted as they were equally upset about it  , many gave advices ,  every other person suggested a doctor they have heard of and the oldest generation came up with home remedies and tips.Everyone thought they were helping but none realised we had to be left alone and everything was hurting us and not helping us .

At one point I could not manage hospital follow ups and career. I chose to concentrate on the treatment during an important turning point of my career . Everything seemed to be so difficult . Both of us underwent surgeries as a part of the treatment. I was getting fed up of hospitals and treatments. Luckily my husband had to move country for better career prospects. I was happy to follow so that I could get a break from the pressure that was building inside me . New place helped us to escape from treatments for some time . I stopped keeping track of dates and worrying about it for a few months .

My mother again came up with a doctor's name who visits Dubai few days every month . As she insisted we started visiting him . Those visits made us realise the whole concept of such treatments has become a business.  As everyone is going through this emotional trauma they were ready to spend as much as they were asked to. Even though we had all the reports he kept on redoing tests and we would end up with the same prescription after every visit . For them the best way was to prolong things to get the best for their business. The repeated infections after every visit to the clinic made me quit visiting him . We decided to take a break from all treatments . 

Once when me and my husband were alone and out for dinner with a little reluctance I asked him " Why can't we adopt ? " I thought I would have to persuade him for it . But to my surprise his response was quick "Let's do it . But before that let's see for 3 more months if treatment works" . I agreed with him.

We started enquiring about the best Gynecologist in the same city and we were lucky to get an appointment with one of the best doctors in the city . We got back to the routine of injections  and weight loss. Every alternate days we had to visit the hospital for injections so we moved to a house closer to hospital . First month was a disappointment. Second cycle of injections started and this time doctor changed the medicine for injections so that my body would respond better . Even with stronger medicines my body was not responding the way it should . Second month was a disappointment too

Before the third cycle started doctor said as days pass my chances would be less .The doctor said that in  the way my ovary is responding I might not have a baby if I do not conceive in a year  . I cried day and night and later made up my mind that it would be the last month of treatments . We were all prepared for an IUI . Since that month would be the last of the trial period I decided to give my best the whole month.I started doing everything what everyone who had a success story suggested online, like home remedies , staying positive along with the treatment .

Staying positive was the best part of it . I started writing a diary for the baby believing he or she is on the way .Drew a picture of the baby, imagining how the baby would look and kept it as a wall paper on my phone. Exercised and dieted religiously .I did not want to leave any stone unturned so did everything I read and heard about . After the IUI the wait was annoying . The day of the blood test finally arrived . I was feeling a slight pain in the lower abdomen from morning . While waiting outside the doctor's cabin for the results I told my husband in a low voice holding back my tears. " I feel it didn't work this time too . Sorry for disppointing . I can't go through this again .". He said " That's fine . Let's do what we have decided if it doesn't work "

I was surprised how I let go the positive thought in the last moment.  I knew deep inside I was just preparing myself for the bad news . We entered the doctor's room and waited to hear what doctor was saying . She checked her system and said my reports were not in yet . When we were about to step out to check with the lab she called from behind and said " You are pregnant." I had to go through many more injections after that . My pregnancy was definitely not a smooth ride with gestational diabetes and BP but it was much better than those treatment days . 

My heart still go out to people who wait outside the doctor's cabin . The first time I held my daughter in my hand and kissed her I knew it is all a miracle . She is definitely a miracle for me . I was wrong to think I would escape from people's questions after having a baby. They still ask me " When is the second ? " it doesn't hurt as before . But I clearly tell them it is not as easy as u think for everyone . I have met many more outside the doctor's cabin  who had bitter stories to share. Many had a few abortions and many were not lucky enough to conceive even after years of treatments and IVFs .

This post is for all women who struggle to become a mother. I know what you are going through. Stay positive and I thought reading a success story might help you to stay positive .

This is also for all the people who enquire about good news .Please stop asking this question as a part of pleasantaries. You never know what they are going through.Bring it up only if you can really help otherwise just leave them alone . You are neither going to help them take care of the baby once they have one nor going to let them adopt yours if they never succeed . A passive comment or suggestion does not really help . If you really are concerned about such people just create a stress free atmosphere for them and do not bring that topic in .
 


Comments

Amitha
16/10/2015 9:27am

This would be the best blog of the 3 - great job Kala!! Straight from the heart!!

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Kalhara Venugopal
16/10/2015 10:33am

Thanks Amitha . This is actually my 6 years of life . May be because of that I could express it better

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Smitha
16/10/2015 12:10pm

Kalhara ... Too good and straight from heart . Keep going .. Life is like book u will learn lots of lessons and when u can put tht lessons in ur own words tht is a great thing .

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Kalhara Venugopal
16/10/2015 3:40pm

Thanks for reading Smitha . I would be lucky if I can put down atleast a part of it effectively in here .

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Lamees
16/10/2015 12:51pm

Very well done. I partially know 2hat you have gone through.
So far the best because of the story line. It's close to my heart....

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Kalhara Venugopal
16/10/2015 3:37pm

Thank you for reading Lamees

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Ameena
16/10/2015 1:38pm

Nice blog ... As I write this, I am sitting here exhausted after playing referee to 2 little brats... While reading the blog, I was flooded with memories of trying and failures and miscarriage and hope , when finally I just let go and things came in place .... I didnt realise the tears were streaming down my face until my 2 year old came and hugged me and said ' I love you'.

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Kalhara Venugopal
16/10/2015 3:35pm

Oh Ameena ... I completely understand. I am sure you understand the pain behind those words . Enjoy with your 2 year olds.

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Ambili
16/10/2015 3:03pm

Absolutely brilliant write up.

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Kalhara Venugopal
16/10/2015 3:36pm

Thank you Ambili

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Shvetha
16/10/2015 5:13pm

Simply LOVE YOU for having written this piece. I'm on a similar journey too. The intensity of emotions was overflowing in ur writing and my feelings. Thank you for writing this.

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Kalhara Venugopal
16/10/2015 5:36pm

Love you too . I very well understand what you go through . Stay positive :)

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Neha
16/10/2015 6:12pm

Kalhara amazing..I was speechless.. Well written dear..

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Kalhara Venugopal
16/10/2015 10:25pm

Thanks Neha

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Meenu Gopalakrishnan
16/10/2015 7:20pm

An experience that touches every woman's heart.i am glad that you recieved a wonderful blessing after many months of trials and disappointments.And knowing you , i believe that you'll be a wonderful mom to the little darling, so leave all the nagging and hurtful questions and comments an be everything you can be to make your life and your child's life beautiful😊

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Kalhara
16/10/2015 10:31pm

Thanks Meenu . I am trying to be the best I can . Whatever I wrote is my past but many women's present.

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Lekha
17/10/2015 12:01pm

Thank you Kalhara for writing this!

Its 5 months now that i lost my first baby... he was diagnosed with cystic hydrops in lungs and heart. I would have had him in my arms this week if i still had him. It was the most heart wrenching decision i had to take.All was well till the 20th week when the ultra sound scan results showed some fluid retention in my babies lungs. In a matter of seconds the world went upside down! I spend days and nights reading through the medical journals and blogs possible. Frantic visit to several doctors and scans and a hundred tests we were asked not to go ahead with the pregnancy.

There was no specific reason that they could point out, after all the tests they did..why it happened..that made it even more difficult to accept. I had to have an induced labor...there were four other ladies in labor, adjacent to my room..i could hear four babies cry as they were born..and i was lying there loosing my child i had to just numb myself! There were some 6 doctors and interns studying me..they tried their best to make it less painful but no painkiller worked.
He is the most perfect and beautiful thing i ever saw. i was too numbed to even cry as they took him away.
Recovering from that loss was another ordeal as a couple..i started lactating the next day even though the doctor had given me pills to prevent that. There were nurses surrounding me with stories...trying to console...trying to say how it was the right decision for the baby and us.
I replayed every single day since i conceived to understand what is that i did wrong. I was going down a guilt trip..did i do wrong by going to work while i was carrying...worrying about having the baby at final stage of my PhD ..worrying about how i was going to handle the pregnancy and baby when my husband was away. It took a while for the tears to stop. We have a reached a stage where we are just thankful for the time we had him.
Throughout this i realized how less we Indian women speak about a difficult pregnancy.. It make you feel you are alone in such an experience. All the blogs/discussions that i found some console were from western women. Thanks again for sharing your journey..more than anything,i feel grateful reading through this brave blog of yours.

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Kalhara
17/10/2015 1:03pm

I would be really happy if you could feel any better after reading my post . I am short of words and have no idea what to respond for this .All I can do is give a warm tight hug. He is going to be back again . I have tears in my eyes while I write this .

Many actually asked me why I did not write about the happiness after I heard I am pregnant . The reason was I was not happy until I had her in my hand healthy and crying . I was scared about loosing her and I know how difficult even the thought was .

Sweetheart be sure you did not do anything wrong. It's destiny . Stay positive

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smitha
18/10/2015 5:18pm

Hi kalhara...u are a blessed mother.I have a friend after 8yrs treatment ...still not a good result.approx 2 lakhs more she is spending every year for a baby.having family issues also because of this.but still she is having a good faith..prayer...I have 3 kids.they are very much close to my friend.she is also very much careing..loving...them.iam very much sad and worried to see her face..and now she is start to go work again for a relief.that's why I told u...you are Lucky mother ....lucky women..parrent position is not a small thing.

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Kalhara Venugopal
28/10/2015 9:37pm

I am lucky and I want every woman to be lucky . Ask your friend to never loose faith .. share the blog.may be she will feel better and positive reading a success story. Staying positive is really an important part of it . Try to create a stress free environment for her . She is lucky to have a caring friend around

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Rashmi
18/10/2015 9:55pm

Well written! Every cloud has a silver lining! It is perseverance, optimism and the courage in the face of adversities that ultimately changes the tides and fills ones life with happiness and fulfillment -Kudos to both of you for your unwavering spirits ! 👍

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Kalhara Venugopal
18/10/2015 10:24pm

Thank you :)

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Narayani
20/10/2015 11:40am

Well written Chinnu...could very well associate the whole process and trauma that many married girls go through including myself...

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Kalhara Venugopal
20/10/2015 12:12pm

You also came into my thought when I wrote this Nani . There are many out there who go through this .

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manoj p
22/10/2015 3:21pm

l amv happy since I never hurt you by any questions.brilliant Molly go ahead

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Kalhara Venugopal
22/10/2015 7:35pm

Thank you for not worrying me with anu questions and thanks a lot

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Geetha
30/10/2015 1:11pm

Realy i can see the pain in ur words and painful married life before baby, I hope ur are doing good now . In my life everyone thought when i marry leo that geetha cant have a baby and not suitable for family life, and almost 9mnths i had the negative results, i prayed to god that in my life time i just want to give a gud thing to my life partner who gave me a meaning for the life, when i got positive result at 10th mnth i was wondered and felt happy and closed everyone mouth, my pregnancy also ful of injections, and vomits, when i enter in to operation theatre i took vomit and went inside, coming out frm operation theatre i had a pink angel in my hand and tears in my husband eyes. In leo's family everyone came and visit and stunned seeing normal cute baby not like me. KEEP UR ANGEL TO BE HAPPY. My angel become 8yrs old studying 3rd std. Kalhara have a happiest movements with ur cute girl and every minutes are most precious in ur life

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Kalhara Venugopal
03/11/2015 1:03pm

Thank you for reading it . I definitely understand what you have gone through . You are a strong lady .

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Renshi
31/10/2015 3:32am

Excellent write up dear.
My baby is a miracle for me ... so i can understand all ur feelings... i too passed the same journey.... stay blessed... vakera love you....

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Kalhara Venugopal
03/11/2015 1:08pm

Thank you Renshi . I am happy you have an angel too now .

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Pooja
18/02/2016 5:07pm

This is one emotion that confuses me even today! I

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Kalhara Venugopal
18/02/2016 5:15pm

Even me ! Thanks for reading

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04/03/2016 6:53pm

I see this beautiful baby picture and also read this article and its tell me after the pregnancy how to care your new baby and how make his healthy thanks for share it .

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14/03/2016 10:53pm

My pregnancy was definitely not a smooth ride with gestational diabetes and BP but it was much better than those treatment days .

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Kalhara Venugopal
16/03/2016 12:00am

I know I completely understand how it was .

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08/04/2016 10:34pm

Yes you are right that pregnancy are not happen to everyone. I have seen many cases near my area in which they have pregnancy after many years and for them its really a miracle.

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Kalhara Venugopal
10/04/2016 9:27pm

I agree with you Jacob . Thanks for reading

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02/10/2016 11:35pm

Exactly it is a GOD gifted thing for the males and females who expect the pregnancy for a sweet baby.If most guys feels some troubles regarding this. They should consult with the specialist who can guide them in efficient way.

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18/01/2017 3:05pm

Hmm… I read blogs on a similar topic, but I never visited your blog. I added it to favorites and I'll be your constant reader.

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14/02/2017 5:09pm

Excellent blog to read,I was so much please to read about the link and visit the CP website,I agree with you we should not make it an issue for those couple,Thank you for the post.

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This blog let me felt delighted with its sensible writing. When I started to read first line I got to know that there is something to learn when I will touch its bottom. And yes I learn a lot.

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Dr. Armstrong is a triple board surgeon in General and Colorectal Surgery.member of the Royal College of Surgeons of Edinburgh and the American College of Surgeons. He treats patients with colorectal conditions, including colon cancer, inflammatory bowel disease and ulcerative colitis.

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12/04/2017 6:12pm

In the modern days we have so many diseases and complicated cases that this is a true miracle to have a pregnancy from the first time!

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23/05/2017 1:46pm

I feel that every words you put on this article is always meaningful. That's just great!

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28/05/2017 12:36pm

Do you need a pregnancy pillow to help you sleep? This is a question that many expectant mothers ask. You may also want to know why people may even want to spend money on maternity pillows. What are their benefits? Learn all about why you may need a pregnancy pillow in this article.

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07/06/2017 3:26am

This is very useful post for me and it helps me a lot. Thank you so much for this and have a great time.

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07/06/2017 3:22pm

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30/10/2017 11:05pm

Pregnancy pillows are great ! when placed under the tummy, they help support the abdomen and cradle the baby. It also reduces the strain on the back and allows adequate blood flow throughout the body. The wedge pregancy pillow is a cheap, lightweight and effective model that you can also use for reflux babies or breast feeding.

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