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This copyright of this image belongs to the person who captured it . Used it with gratitude as its suits the content.
After moving away from the home country Skype calls once a while with mom brings me more news than watching a news channel or from all those news spreaders on social media . I know you would have already thought “Gossips”. It is gossips for sure. But Gossips about this world, “The News”. Unfortunately, all those disturbing ones. She is one among those many women whose heart goes out to the crying actress in TV soaps as well as bribe God with candles and what not to have the culprit of Jisha Rape case, or any other,  behind the bars.

On a busy weekday morning amidst of my email responses I was on a call with my mom. After the usual pleasantries mom started her advices on how careful I should be about my almost 4-year-old daughter. She said I should make sure she is never away from my sight. “Do not trust anyone with your daughter even if it is your close friend or family no matter what their age is” she said, and so on and so forth. Such conversations always sent chills down my spine. I shrugged myself out of it and told her she is never out of my sight.

Coming from a country where molestations, rape, physical assaults and acid attacks is another news I keep restricting my daughter like many other moms in the country. I doubt whether my “No-s” have made her a much less social person. I always tell her “Never without Mummy “. I am sometimes scared whether I am teaching my daughter not to believe anyone.

Coming back from my thoughts I realized my mom is still talking how worried she gets. “You just find reasons to get worried “, I said scrolling through my emails. She said in a very upset tone that she hasn’t slept after a recent event in the neighborhood. A 6-year-old girl was repeatedly molested by an old neighbor. I shrieked out of disgust. She was telling how it happened and how the family came to know about it. All I wanted to know was whether the devil was behind the bars. “Yes he is" replied mom followed by a deep sigh .

I had a disturbing day and waited to share it with my husband on the dinner table after which we both looked at our playing daughter. Next day morning we had an office party for kids at my husband’s workplace. Balloon bending, face painting, popcorn stations, bouncy castles. All those that kids would enjoy. My daughter love balloon. A Balloon would just make her happy and excited. We were stepping in to the hall and a guy was doing balloon bending at the entrance. He came very close to my daughter bending balloons to impress her as he did with the other kids who is still following him for more. But unfortunately, it bursted from his hand. She was frightened with him close to her and the bursting sound that she started crying hysterically. We moved away from there and distracted her with all other fun stuffs around. She enjoyed the rest of the day, but whenever someone stands next to her with balloons she cried with fear. I understood it had hit her hard. A stranger close to her face with a bursting balloon was too much for her to handle. The fear in her eyes reminded me of the 6-year-old girl who went through the trauma. If a balloon burst can do that to my daughter I couldn’t imagine what the little girl would be going through.

It took a lot of time and effort for me to make my daughter comfortable around a balloon again. When someone twists a balloon, or bang it hard she still comes and hugs me hard. Every time she does that I think of you, “my princess".I  hope time would heal everything you have gone through. I pray your parents be successful in comforting you , giving you strength and making you believe in this world again. Around all those wolves and devils there are still a few human beings who knows to respect trust and love. I pray you only meet those few in the rest of your life and you still make a lot of new childhood memories .

 
 
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This picture copyrights belong to the person who took it . Used with gratitude as it suits the content.
Recently an acquaintance of mine shared many quotes on FB on’ being ignored ‘and ‘worthless.' I hesitated to check on her even though I wanted to as we were not gum buddies. After a week I saw her sharing a post on depression and I realized what she was going through. She is a new stay at home mom. The road from an ambitious professional to a homemaker is toilsome. Having experienced it, I would say I never want to be in those shoes again.

After my darling daughter, it was my sole decision to be a stay at home mom. This decision was not imposed on me. I wanted to be a part of her every small milestone. Motherhood is rewarding, and I was blessed to have the liberty of having the choice to quit my job. I know there are many women out there who do not have this liberty and they do it with an aching heart. 

I enjoyed my new status and was busy at the start. With the passage of time, the excitement of staying at home was worn off. I started feeling lonely, demotivated, miserable, irritated, helpless and hopeless. These words aren’t enough to explain how I felt. Even though the household chores and baby were enough to keep me occupied but I could still feel a void in my routine. 

The new situation made me realize a job is not always about money. A job gives a sense of accomplishment in terms of acknowledgment and appreciation. It goes without saying that the most we miss is the social circle we built as a part of it. I lacked motivation in life. My routine was the same as all homemakers - house chores, baby routines, naps, social media and TV soaps.  Depression crept in which resulted in unnecessary nagging, emotional outbursts. I started depending on my husband more for my happiness and relaxation which was not me.  I decided to work but did not want to leave my daughter’s side – the dream job of every woman I know. I wanted to do everything I could to keep me occupied to get back to the person I was. Homemaker depression is something most of us go through in this modern world. 

So here are a few things what I did to overcome to come to terms with my new status quo. Believe me; I am euphoric at this moment.

1.    Part time Job 
A part time job or a flexible job is every woman’s dream. I voraciously searched for one and was lucky enough to find one in 1 week’s time. I know I sound like those advertisements in which models come with proof of cheques  But the fact is I am having a flexible part time job for past three years which has become like a full time now but from the comfort of my home. 
So here is what I did 
•    I searched for “Virtual Assistant jobs.” If the Angel decided to move the magic wand and bring some magic into your life, you might be lucky enough to find one that suits you.
•    If you are in UAE, the following job portals might help 
  1.  Nabbesh
  2. People per hour
  3. Elance
Once you succeed in getting one assignment or job, you are likely to get more based on references. 

2.    Mystery Shopping 
As the name reveals, we just need to pretend as actual customers and assess the shop which is assigned to us. Mystery shopping is an exciting task which is ideal for women who love window shopping. At times you get lucky enough to shop and get paid for it. All we need to do is visit the shops, restaurants, cinemas, banks, or sometimes even government offices. The visit is followed by answering the questionnaires they provide. Some projects require the shopper to take a few pictures. 

There are calls and website mystery shoppings for which has a lesser pay, but you can do it from the comfort of your home. Some sites which provide mystery shop assignments are: 
  1. Ehosplc 
  2. The service checkers
  3. Helion 
  4. Looptech me 
I have tried all the websites provided above except the service checkers

3.    Shop Audits 
It is similar to Mystery shopping. The only difference is we will let the Sales people know that we are there for auditing the shop. We go around and fill in the questionnaire then and there and take necessary pictures. These usually happen for High-end brands. 

4.    Turn once cherished hobby into a career
Turning a hobby into a career is something which I have seen many women doing nowadays, and I amazed seeing many talents. The time is now to resume that hobby which has taken a backseat in due course. If you feel you are not an expert yet to make a career out of it, you are still not late to excel in it or at least enjoy the mere pleasure of doing it.

5.    Meet ups 
Meetups are something which is the best you can do if you are a social person and would love to make new friends which share same interests. “Meetup” website can help you get a list of meetups they have in your area which you can filter according to your interests. Let it be spiritual, physical, exploring new cuisines, learning new languages. You name it, and you can find it. In case you haven't found the one you are looking for feel free to start a group. “ Meetup “ has a mobile app as well. 

6.    Reading 
Reading takes a backseat with a baby or naughty toddler around. But doing light readings would light up your mood. Finishing a book gives a sense of accomplishment and maybe you can make a note of the books you read with a summary of it. Looking back on the list will make you proud 

And to the world, if you think a homemaker is jobless you don't see that she is sacrificing her wishes to build a better family and society for you. She is busy raising good human beings for a better world. "Next time you tell a woman she is doing nothing at home, please know she is doing many things so that you can do the few things you do peacefully not being bothered about those many."  

 This blog is a part of my process to keep myself motivated and happy Thank you for being a part of my virtual social circle. I would love to hear from you.   

 
 
She was happy to find out she is going to be a mother soon but did not know what she is supposed to do or not for a healthy baby . She did not have a family around to guide her .She asked her husband "Shouldn't we visit a doctor ? " He was equally naive and puzzled . They were too young and were staying away from family as it was their choice to live together against the wishes of their family . She wished she could ask her mother what she should do . He was lost in his own thoughts. While leaving for work he said "I will enquire about the doctor ."

He saw a family friend on the way home . " My wife is expecting . Can you suggest a good doctor ?" he asked . The man thought for a while and said he will get back to him . The next day they were taken to a doctor by the man who does private practice after her working hours in a government hospital . She went inside the doctor's room alone when he and the man waited outside . "Are you sure about this ?" doctor asked her . "You are too young and weak for this ." She started getting nervous and started thinking " Am I too young to become a mother?"

Doctor continued " Abortion is quiet risky for your age and I would not recommend it." She was shocked and did not know what to say . She thought for a minute and said with all innocence " Doctor , he might have taken this decision because we stay alone and away from family . Can I talk to him for a minute please ."She called him inside the doctor's room and took him to a corner and hushed " Doctor is saying the abortion can be risky ". He was surprised and asked " Abortion ? What do you mean ? No I never said that ." They both were confused and told the doctor they will come back later giving it a thought . They came out and found out that man who brought them there was gone . They could not make out what was happening . He started getting really worried about their future as he was already struggling to make the ends meet and wanted to earn more to cover delivery expenses as well . 

" I need a better job " He told her the next day . "Someone I know has offered to help me out to find one . I might have to go out of the city for a few days ." She was frightened about staying alone in this condition but thought about a better living and future of their baby and agreed.

He left and months passed. She did not hear from him for long . She believed he would come back even when others said he wouldn't . She diverted her thoughts to her baby . "I want my baby sound and healthy and I should stay brave for her ." She told herself whenever she lost hope . A few relatives started helping her when they found out she was pregnant and alone. She was admitted in the hospital on her due date even though the pain did not start. She was perturbed about the increasing hospital expense with each passing day as all she got was the money she raised by selling a part of her gold chain . After what she felt like eternity she finally had her baby in her hands which washed half of her worries. She decided she would stay strong for the baby . 

She went back to the same house where they lived and insisted on staying there even when her relatives asked her to live with them . She said " When he comes back I want him to find us where he left us." She stayed strong and survived with the help of many good hearts . Her mom and siblings visited her and supported her without letting her father know .  

The baby turned 6 months . One evening she was talking to the lady next door while the kids next door was playing with the baby . She saw someone very familiar walking from a distance . She wanted to believe her eyes and heart as the person started coming closer . He walked past her and went inside her house and straight to the cradle to find it empty .When he turned she was staying behind him . " She is next door " She said without taking her eyes off from him . He looked exhausted and terrible .Looking at him she knew he has equally struggled . They started where they left a year back with more love and the love of their life for a happily ever after. While holding the baby he was happy that she fought through it and stayed brave.

I love you mom for bringing me into this beautiful world when you had a choice to decide otherwise
I love you mom for all those struggles you went through to stand by that choice
I love you mom for smiling at my first cry when you were unsure of where we were heading to
I love you mom for choosing to fight all odds with hope when none believed there was any 
I love you mom for being the best mom and setting my goals of a mom high
I love you mom for sharing your regrets so that I do not miss all what you missed in life
I love you mom for believing in me when I don't believe in myself 
I love you mom for still worrying about my health,hair and skin 
I love you mom for pampering me whenever I reach home for it 
I love you mom for being a compassionate human being and showing me what caring for world is
I love you mom for being a fighter in life as I learnt not to give up from you 
I love you mom for those tears on my wedding day it made me realize what you were letting go
I love you mom for being what you are and you will stay as best forever no matter what.
       
Happy mother's day to all those beautiful ladies who has a mother in them . You need not carry a baby in your hands to be a mother . If you have a heart with selfless love you have a mother in you . Salute to all single moms who are indeed super moms !

 
 
We are in a rush every second and stopping by for making a very silly wish of someone true can bring a wide smile on their face and make you feel like a fairy with that Magic wand.

This is an extension to my first blog .I have to take you back to the same street of Pondy Bazaar in Chennai again to talk about this incident . Visiting that street was quiet common whenever someone visits us from our home city and say the word "shopping " . A cousin brother was visiting us and wanted to do some last minute shopping before he flies next day for work .

While walking on that street as usual we had many following us for money . The people who were with me were rushing through to finish their last minute shopping before the shops close . While we were in front of a small shop an almost 8 year old girl who live in those streets came near me and asked for money . As always I said "I will not give you money . What else would you like to have from this shop ?" I was standing in front of a small shop and I knew I did not have much time to wait in a restaurant to buy food for them, which I actually prefer . She looked at the shop eagerly and in a split second she said " Can you buy me a coke ? " . People around us including the shopkeeper laughed . Some of them looked at her as if she was asking for a fortune . And I could see couple of them from the passing crowd stopped to see my response.

A can of coke sound silly to us . But I could see she had been wishing for it for days . Even if she had earned quiet a good amount a day I am sure she would not have spent that on a can of coke as that would sound like a luxury for them even though it's like an every day affair for many .Most of you would be wondering a Coke ,  really ? That's not healthy ! Would you buy it for your kid ? You should have bought a glass of fresh juice instead . But at that moment all I could see was a strong wish and urge to have something which she wanted for days and I could see the desire in her eyes . She would have seen many walking on that street drinking it . She would have wondered what that  bright red can tasted like whenever she crossed those shops .I bought a can of coke and handed it over to her . She was excited and I could see her eyes were gleaming with joy .

The happiness on her face filled my heart and soul . The way she thanked me and the excitement of getting a wish fulfilled can never be forgotten. This made me feel like a fairy with that magic wand for a moment. 

Many times a wish of someone might sound silly for you but they would be waiting for that moment or day when it would come true.Around us we can see many wishes that can be easily fulfilled which might sound silly to us .It can be your grandmother's wish to visit a new theme park or watch a 4D cinema to know what is it like or your father's wish to learn how to play that new PS4 game you bought . It can be your mom's wish to learn how to use Facebook or how to search for the new cooking videos on You tube. Let us fulfill those silly wishes to spread joy around us and within us.

Make a wish foundation is a wonderful group of volunteers who does a noble deed making the wishes of kids with terminal diseases true .They believe in the power of healing by fulfilling a wish . Many wishes includes owning a play station , visiting Disney land , owning an iPhone 6 . Seeing the list we might wonder why can't they spend money on treatment instead .The fact is 'sometimes all you want in life is to have that one wish come true and you would survive the rest'
 
 
Its red roses , hearts , red balloons and love quotes everywhere . Happy Valentine’s day to each and every soul who believe in love !

This day is quiet popular among the current generation including me . I have been hearing about this day right from when I have heard love. But there are still people of my age and who are older than me or younger than me who believe that saying “ I love you" is a shame and celebrating a day for love is unnecessary. Some even say “You don’t have to wait till Valentine ’s Day to show how much they mean to you” .

A couple I know had been crazily in love with each other for years. They lived together for more than a decade understanding , loving and caring  for each other . As married life moved forward and kids and bills took center stage they somehow maintained the contentment and looked forward for their time together . As kids grew and got settled they got more time to spend with each other but they wanted less time together. In years they had fallen into a routine that both of them concluded this is how it is going to be for the rest of their life . Regular tiffs , misunderstandings and venting out grew them apart . I wondered what went wrong “ How can love die?". Then I realized “ Love did not die . It’s their desire to keep the love alive which died ."

In every married life initially husband feels good when wife cooks for you or do your laundries . Wife feels loved when husband eats whatever she cooks with a smile, takes her out , buy things for her . They find happiness in every small thing they do for each other and in initial years there is always a first time of doing things together or for each other which keeps them happy and content . As years passes all those become routines , duties and responsibilities  and they start treating each others as possessions . Sex starts taking back seat in years. Eventually if you don’t find ways the spark dies and you fall out of love . Life just moves on for the rest of the years either with arguments or silence when you realise arguments doesn’t help much .

If a day in a year would help us to do something special which we had not been doing rest of the year to bring those butterflies back in your stomach and love back to your life . Why not ? If a red rose can bring a smile on the face which we had yearned to look at ,  why not ? If a candle light dinner and “ I love you" can make your love alive for a day and rest of your life vibrant, why not ?

I agree to all who say this day is not a part of our culture ! But if a day in a year can change the routine in your relationship . Why Not ?

Requoting One among the many quotes which I read today . “ Happy Valentines day to all those who are waiting to be taken , almost taken , taken , taken for granted , assumed to be taken and those who aren’t taken seriously . “

Let us not let the love in us die ! Let us grow old gracefully in love so that the ones coming behind us look forward for it .

 
 
When I found this picture on a social networking site it took me down the memory lane .I could not really stop writing about it  in my next blog before anything else . I saved the picture and a few minutes later I got the same image as a whatsapp message from my husband asking "Why not this be the next blog ?" . We could relate to the pic so much . 

I never thought babies are miracle when we got married .  When I did not conceive the first couple of years I was really not worried about it . Being in the initial stages of career and marriage I was struggling to balance both . We never thought we were missing anything in life until we visited hometown for a wedding or for a long weekend. Everyone we met had the same question to ask , " Good news ? "  .

As years passed the questions I face started getting wierd " Did you never conceive before or is  it that you had a miscarriage? " The most wierd and hurting line which was said as a joke was " Are you guys doing it right " .I still remember how i walked out of the crowd smiling at the 'supposed to be joke' and closed myself behind the doors to cry my eyes to sore.

Years flew and every question and comment started to hurt more and more with each passing day . When we completed 2 years of marriage we started visiting an infertility specialist . It followed with years of tests and screenings . I can still smell and taste those metformin tablets which I had for years . I could see the crowd outside the doctor's cabin were increasing everyday and monthly scanning started becoming a nightmare . It was disgusting to remember how we had to stand in a line waiting for our turn removing the bottom wear as the doctor did not have time to waste ( This was in a super speciality hospital) . I felt that was the meanest thing you can do to a woman . The anxiety and stress started to build with all this .

Then the rest of the days all we did were spending huge money on tests , medicines , injections , hoping every month for a good news and finally cry for 2 to 3 days when you know none of it has worked and get back to doctor again . I dreaded attending family functions as many looked at us with sympathy and acted as they were equally upset about it  , many gave advices ,  every other person suggested a doctor they have heard of and the oldest generation came up with home remedies and tips.Everyone thought they were helping but none realised we had to be left alone and everything was hurting us and not helping us .

At one point I could not manage hospital follow ups and career. I chose to concentrate on the treatment during an important turning point of my career . Everything seemed to be so difficult . Both of us underwent surgeries as a part of the treatment. I was getting fed up of hospitals and treatments. Luckily my husband had to move country for better career prospects. I was happy to follow so that I could get a break from the pressure that was building inside me . New place helped us to escape from treatments for some time . I stopped keeping track of dates and worrying about it for a few months .

My mother again came up with a doctor's name who visits Dubai few days every month . As she insisted we started visiting him . Those visits made us realise the whole concept of such treatments has become a business.  As everyone is going through this emotional trauma they were ready to spend as much as they were asked to. Even though we had all the reports he kept on redoing tests and we would end up with the same prescription after every visit . For them the best way was to prolong things to get the best for their business. The repeated infections after every visit to the clinic made me quit visiting him . We decided to take a break from all treatments . 

Once when me and my husband were alone and out for dinner with a little reluctance I asked him " Why can't we adopt ? " I thought I would have to persuade him for it . But to my surprise his response was quick "Let's do it . But before that let's see for 3 more months if treatment works" . I agreed with him.

We started enquiring about the best Gynecologist in the same city and we were lucky to get an appointment with one of the best doctors in the city . We got back to the routine of injections  and weight loss. Every alternate days we had to visit the hospital for injections so we moved to a house closer to hospital . First month was a disappointment. Second cycle of injections started and this time doctor changed the medicine for injections so that my body would respond better . Even with stronger medicines my body was not responding the way it should . Second month was a disappointment too

Before the third cycle started doctor said as days pass my chances would be less .The doctor said that in  the way my ovary is responding I might not have a baby if I do not conceive in a year  . I cried day and night and later made up my mind that it would be the last month of treatments . We were all prepared for an IUI . Since that month would be the last of the trial period I decided to give my best the whole month.I started doing everything what everyone who had a success story suggested online, like home remedies , staying positive along with the treatment .

Staying positive was the best part of it . I started writing a diary for the baby believing he or she is on the way .Drew a picture of the baby, imagining how the baby would look and kept it as a wall paper on my phone. Exercised and dieted religiously .I did not want to leave any stone unturned so did everything I read and heard about . After the IUI the wait was annoying . The day of the blood test finally arrived . I was feeling a slight pain in the lower abdomen from morning . While waiting outside the doctor's cabin for the results I told my husband in a low voice holding back my tears. " I feel it didn't work this time too . Sorry for disppointing . I can't go through this again .". He said " That's fine . Let's do what we have decided if it doesn't work "

I was surprised how I let go the positive thought in the last moment.  I knew deep inside I was just preparing myself for the bad news . We entered the doctor's room and waited to hear what doctor was saying . She checked her system and said my reports were not in yet . When we were about to step out to check with the lab she called from behind and said " You are pregnant." I had to go through many more injections after that . My pregnancy was definitely not a smooth ride with gestational diabetes and BP but it was much better than those treatment days . 

My heart still go out to people who wait outside the doctor's cabin . The first time I held my daughter in my hand and kissed her I knew it is all a miracle . She is definitely a miracle for me . I was wrong to think I would escape from people's questions after having a baby. They still ask me " When is the second ? " it doesn't hurt as before . But I clearly tell them it is not as easy as u think for everyone . I have met many more outside the doctor's cabin  who had bitter stories to share. Many had a few abortions and many were not lucky enough to conceive even after years of treatments and IVFs .

This post is for all women who struggle to become a mother. I know what you are going through. Stay positive and I thought reading a success story might help you to stay positive .

This is also for all the people who enquire about good news .Please stop asking this question as a part of pleasantaries. You never know what they are going through.Bring it up only if you can really help otherwise just leave them alone . You are neither going to help them take care of the baby once they have one nor going to let them adopt yours if they never succeed . A passive comment or suggestion does not really help . If you really are concerned about such people just create a stress free atmosphere for them and do not bring that topic in .
 
 
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Image copyright belongs to the person who captured it . Used it with gratitude as it suits the content .
During one period, train travels were quiet common for me. Once I was travelling back home exhausted after a hectic day. Just before boarding the train I bought a bottle of water. While paying the seller I realized that was the last smallest bill I have .All I left with was a 100 Rs note in my wallet. I had forgotten to withdraw money from my account. Since I do not have much time left to walk all the way out of the station, I decided to manage with what I have.

I boarded the train and found my seat. After leaving my luggage beneath the berth, I settled down on my seat with a book I was looking forward to finish reading.As the train took its pace I started reading the book. After a few minutes I could hear a group advancing through the crowd, clapping their hands and asking for money. The sound started approaching me and I knew who they were. The sight of a group of transgender people is quite common during such travels. If refused to give money, they may embarrass the person into giving money by touching, using profane language, and even making sexual advances.

When I heard them the only thing that was in my mind at that moment was, I do not want them to touch me or embarrass me. Usually what I do is I keep the money ready when I hear them from a distance so as soon as they reach I can immediately give it to them without much drama. This time I knew it was going to be different. If I give them the 100 Rs note which was all what I was left with , I knew I would be in deep trouble in case of an emergency. So the only choice I had at that moment was to ignore them and pretend as if I haven't seen them since I was involved in the book.

The sound of the group started getting closer and I was getting nervous. I was trembling deep within but still pretended to be immensely involved in the book. Finally they reached and started asking money to people who were sitting next to me. I heard a sound calling "Akka" (means sister). I knew the person was addressing me but I acted as if I did not hear and was busy reading. Again I heard a voice "hey" .I fixed my eyes on the same page and decided not to look elsewhere.

The next moment I could feel a hand on my thigh. I screamed dropping my book springing from my seat. I was standing, shivering, with all tears in my eyes. When I finally mustered courage and looked at the person who touched me I understood she was shocked by my reaction .With a trembling voice I said “I do not have money with me”. The response I got was "That's fine. Please sit. We are also human". I could see the person was deeply hurt.

I could see the pain in those eyes. I was still shivering. They left the place and walked to the next compartment .It took some time for me to come back to my normal self as I got really scared by that touch . But I could never forget the pain I saw in those eyes. I am still guilty for that naive impulsive reaction of mine.

I knew the society which includes me made them do what they are doing now. We are not ready to accept them as one among us. We are not ready to help them live a normal life as you and me, accepting the way they are. They deserve to be treated as human like each one of us with acceptance and equal rights.

 
 
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Image Copyrights belongs to the person who captured it . Used it with gratitude as it relates to the content
We lived in Chennai for several years and Pondy bazaar is one of the busiest streets for street shopping in Chennai .  I miss street shopping now when I shop in these air conditioned high end malls . Anyways , the memory what I want to share here is not a street shopping experience  . Once in middle of such a street shopping exploration I met a little girl who would be around 5 years. This incident was years back .. around 7 years back .

She was a lovely girl who lives on those streets . She and her family begs for a living during the day and sleeps on one of those foot paths when all those shoppers and sellers return home and when the streets go quiet . I am someone who doesn't entertain giving money to people on streets as I neither want to be someone who contribute to make people lazy nor want to be a passive supporter of those money minting rackets which makes money exploiting people .I want to help people who needs genuine help who are helpless and have done best of what they could and still couldn't make it to meet their needs. So as I mentioned already I never give money to people who come and beg on streets , but I buy food for them .

So this almost 5 year old girl followed me asking for money while we were walking on the street back to where we parked our car . She was behind me and the voice of a little girl pleading "I am hungry , Please give me money" stopped me . I turned to see the little girl who was not tidy enough and had dirt sticking on her face . She was wearing only a shorts. I turned around to see her smiling at me . The smile was so adorable that I stood there smiling back . I could see the excitement on her face as I smiled back .

The smile touched my heart .Even after 7 years that smile I saw on her face is so clear and fresh in my memory . She again said " I am hungry . Please give me some  money " . I smiled and said "I won't give you money but if you are hungry I will buy you food."She was not even wearing a dress to cover her completely. But she had a pleasant face throughout our meeting what most of us miss despite of having everything in life. As soon as I started talking to her I saw a young lady walking towards us and she started standing with her and said please give us some money . Then came a girl who would be around 12 years , then another boy who would be around 10 years . She smiled at me and said that is my mother , brother and sister .

By then I could hear my husband calling me from behind . He did not realize I was not with him unless he reached the car and walked all the way back to find me in a crowd which he was not that happy with . It was not because they belong to the street . The reason was that he was told by many that these people on the streets are not really safe to deal with . He was worried about my safety . A few bad experiences make people doubt on everyone who asks for help . 

He asked me to leave and said we are late . It was close to 10.30 pm . All the shops were closing. I said "Please,  5 minutes . Let me buy food for her ." She immediately interrupted saying "No, not just for me. Can you please buy for them too if you are buying. " She said pointing her finger to her mom and siblings. I smiled at her and said " Sure ! I will. "

I went to the next renowned vegetarian restaurant , place an order for them and asked them to keep it ready as a take away .I paid for it and took the token and  stepped out when they informed me it will take 10 minutes . I handed over the token to the lady and asked her to buy it after 10 minutes .She denied to take the token saying they will not let her enter the restaurant and they will be shooed away if they try to step in . I was a bit shaken hearing it but then I knew there was nothing to be surprised about . So I decided to wait in my car as I had someone waiting in the car with a worried look .

I walked to the car and sat down when this girl again followed me and stood next to me . I sat in the front passenger seat with my car door open so that I could speak to her . I had fallen in love with her adorable face and innocent smile . I started asking her " Don't you want to go to school ? "  She smiled and said "Yes , I want to . But I can't . Amma doesn't have money . My brother and sister also doesn't go to School."

I kept quiet and soon I started imagining how she would look after a good bath in clean clothes and a school bag . I was sure she would look as adorable as any kid of her age . Waking up from my sweet imagination when I looked at her she was making faces looking at a doll which was hung on our car mirror .

I asked her whether she wants it . She smiled and said "No" . Her reply took me to a surprise . I knew she liked it . So any girl of her age wouldn't say no when someone offers her a toy she likes . But after a small pause very reluctantly she asked "Could you buy me a dress if you don't mind. It's too cold in the night and mosquitoes doesn't let me sleep ." That request brought tears .She already knew the difference between need and necessity.

I stepped out and looked around . All the shops were closed . It was too late in the night . I couldn't find a  shop to buy a dress at that moment . 

We have been waiting close to 15 minutes so I stepped out, took the parcel from the restaurant counter and handed it over to the girl first . It was too big for her to carry but she thanked me with a smile from the heart . I still looked around but I couldn't find any open shops . I promised her I will buy one dress for her the next time I would meet her . I was not happy with that decision of mine but I had no choice . She was all I thought about for days . 

We went back to the same street many times after that . I met a lot of other little girls but could never meet her ever again . I still feel bad for not able to fulfill my promise . Now I might never even recognize her next time I see her . But that smile of her still touch me beyond years. I wish I could some day come out of this guilt of not fulfilling that promise.